Toilet Talk

The Newton household made a major household change this week: we began using one ply toilet paper.

Now if my college housemates are reading this, they will realize how major this truly is. I'm sure they can recall our household budgeting conversation decades ago in which I declared, "I'm all for saving money, but not in the toilet paper department. I like GOOD toilet paper." I think this was brought up for years.

So what prompted this change? It started with a bellow of rage from Geoff, who is normally a rather mild fellow.

"WHO DID THIS?!"

The bellow came from the bathroom, and so my belly instantly gave a flutter of worry. With our old plumbing I am always waiting for our drainage pipe to give out resulting in extreme discomfort and a large bill. I imagined the toilet overflowing with a blanket or shoe or baby doll halfway on its way to the city's water treatment plant, and I tore into the bathroom expecting the worst. Instead I found a toilet full of - well - toilet paper.

I gave a sigh of relief. And went back to my bread baking. I figured this one was Geoff's discovery so he could deal with it.

Despite Geoff's reaction, over use of toilet paper is a daily occurrence here, and the toilet plunger is my friend. I think often of the directions one of my college housemates received from her Dad (and I repeat this since their anonymity is safe!). He directed their toilet paper use as follows: first use four squares of toilet paper, then three more, then three, then you should be finished. When I first heard these wise words at the tender age of twenty, I thought he was a little uptight. Now I advise my children to count toilet paper squares regularly. Think of the many trees sacrificed in our toilet paper consumption. Think of the many dollars spent. What waste.

Will one ply toilet paper save the day? I guess I am waiting in suspense for the answer to this question. But I haven't plunged the toilet in several days.

I will conclude the toilet dialogue with a comment from Geoff on one of my previous entries. "Is sewer really spelled like sewer?"

Yes, it is.