Soul Mate

"Do you know what a soul mate is, Marek?"

"No."

"Some people believe that there is one person in particular that fits them like no one else, and that they are meant to be together. For me, that person is Dad."

"Mom, are you and Dad going to get divorced?" Marek was supposed to be peacefully asleep like his siblings. Instead he is distressed and developing soap operas in his mind as his father and I argue excitedly in our 1000 square foot house. Geoff is slightly deaf. It always escalates arguments.

"Dad and I will not get a divorce, because we took a vow when we were married that we would support each other in good times and in bad times. It's okay to argue and yell. It gets the feelings out and sorts through the problems so things can be right again. You yell at me when you are angry. Do you still love me?"

"Yes."

"And I still love Dad. I remember when Dad and I went on our first date. I knew by the next day that he was THE ONE."

"What's a date, Mom?"

"It's like a play date, but for grown-ups."

"What did you do for your first date?"

"Let's see... We went to a barbecue at his neighbor's, and I remember talking at his apartment for most of the night. "

Is this all we did? Is this all it took for it to be magical? It's funny. I don't remember much about our first date. But I remember when I went home after the date and announced to my roommates, "I think I'm in love!"

I was a person who did not believe in love.

Before I met Geoff I defined romantic love as timing plus availability plus life stage plus physical attraction. I spent most of my free time with gay men and wished I could marry my (female) best friend so I wouldn't have to worry about this step. I think several people thought I was gay due to my hairy legs and lack of dates.

How does that happen? That instant chemistry. He is I and I am him. We are one.

Do we look like one?

I remember my Mom's words the night my father passed away. We were all up late together talking, my Mom, my sister, and I. My Dad was still there too. My Mom said, "We had a fairy tale."

How does one leave their soul mate?

Less than a year later, my Mom had found a new fairy tale, bless her. How does one possess the courage and luck to find this again?

How could I ever part from someone that I love so much? Someone I looked for so hard. Someone who taught me what love is just by being HIM.

It's been just about 16 years now since Geoff and I moved into our little house together, and more than ten since we exchanged our vows. Nothing is like I would have predicted it, and I would change nothing.

I sit with Marek as he falls asleep. I am still filled with incredible anger toward Geoff. Yet as I recollect the many reasons why I choose to spend my life with this individual, I am filled with a veil of thankfulness that I have him. My soul mate.